For those getting back to work after the 4th of July, a reminder that holidays can be tough for some of your caregiving colleagues. There can be the experiences of grief for caregivers that are accentuated during holidays – missing what was, feeling loss for what could have been, or simply being overwhelmed by the medical situation at hand.
Remember these two things: 1) You may not know who is a caregiver, as caregivers often hide their identity in the workplace. 2) It is helpful to have kind and inclusive language – especially when talking to groups.
** Note from PWC President, Joanna**
In my caregiving experience, there have been some tough holidays in the past: My daughter being in the hospital instead of doing what she had talked about daily for months. Family gathering looking like heart-sick zombies full of grief during the medical fallout. Or the medical issues (and subsequent mental health issues) altering plans or traditions.
At work, I would mask these experiences because, I was at work: "focus on showing up with a smile." In fact, work was a great distraction.
Below are suggestions on holiday talk in the workplace, knowing that the experiences and viewpoints of caregivers are diverse. And – not all caregivers are experiencing grief –there just is a higher chance the holidays were tough for some of them.
✔ Don’t feel pity. (“I feel so bad for you.”) I don’t want people to look down on me for my caregiving life. Instead, just being aware that holidays experiences can differ often feels enough.
✔ Don’t feel like you can’t talk about your own fun holiday experiences. Avoiding me or withdrawing from me makes it worse. Of course I want you to have an amazing holiday, and I want to celebrate the good with you.
✔ In group talk, try to avoid harmful language. Such as, “Now that we all had such a wonderful time off…” Change to, “For all of those who had a wonderful time off,” or “For those who were able to have fun with their friends & family over the holiday.” This inclusive language allows us to be seen and doesn’t highlight the difficulty of the holiday.
✔ If you know someone is going through a difficult caregiving experience – such as grief, loss, or chaos - that would alter their enjoyment of the holiday, you can reach out with a personal touch with something as simple as, “I was thinking of you.” Don’t make them feel pressured to share. If you are open to it and if it is appropriate, give an invitation for them to share: “I am here to listen if you would like to talk about how the holiday was for you.” And if they do share something difficult, listen with empathy. Be fully present. Don't minimize: “That doesn’t sound too bad,” “I know what you should do,” “I have heard/experienced worse stories.” Instead: “I am sorry you are going through that. It sounds really hard. Thank you for sharing. How are you feeling today?”
Follow on LinkedIn for more insights and share if you feel it is is important for others to know and remember! https://www.linkedin.com/company/professionalswhocare/
And thank you to caregivers and our allies for your care!
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