We had quiet conversations. Many. Over lunch. Quietly in the hallways. Hushed tones in the corner. Sometimes eyes would dart to the right or left to make sure no one of significance was nearby. Sometimes they would preface with the words, "Don't tell anyone."
What was so secret? Was there something so horrible that needed to be hidden?
The stories would reveal the difficulties of managing both work and caregiving responsibilities. I was entrusted to hear them because they knew I had similar dual roles. The vulnerable stories often would contain themes about the lack of flexibility and the culture of marginalizing people who had caregiving responsibilities.
For a long time, I accepted that these stories needed to be told in secret. Then the pandemic changed this way of thinking for me.
Covid-19 erased many of the walls between professional and personal work. Conversations about mental health and family responsibilities could be shared. And there was often support offered in response. Even still, caregivers stayed in the shadows. A toddler interrupting a Zoom call was cute, a cat peering into the screen was adorable, but what about the elderly family member needing help getting to the bathroom or the child with autism having a meltdown. Careful measure was often made to hide the realities. And in turn, employers were not aware of the quiet suffering of many - causing them to create policies that were more focused on traditional families compared to employees with caregiving responsibilities.
American Journal of Health Promotion shared, "Though the pandemic caused employers to expand flexible working arrangements for their employees, these benefits have typically favored working parents over working family caregivers due to a lack of understanding about family caregivers’ needs" (Roman et. al., 2021, p 1046).
So what is needed to get rid the invisibility? Voices. Caregivers who are able, need to share what an inclusive workplace looks like. And allies are needed to help advocate for a workplace that inevitably consists of caregivers on an intermittent or continual basis.
It's time for the voices not to be hushed, but it is time to speak up for change.
Roman, C., Bane, S., & Opthof, E. (2021). How Employers and States Can Support the Essential Workforce of Family Caregivers. American Journal of Health Promotion, 35(7), 1045–1047. https://doi.org/10.1177/08901171211030142g
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